Mediation
There are different kinds of mediators.
MY PHILOSOPHY
I begin each mediation asking the question: “What do you want, and what are you willing to give up in order to get it?” Because the goal of mediation is to find mutually agreeable compromises. Nobody gets everything they want. The objective in mediation is to find solutions that both parties can live with. If you are willing to give up nothing in order to get what you want, then mediation is the wrong place for you.
Not all mediators use the same approach. Some of us choose to use more than one approach within the same mediation. I am an “adaptive mediator.” That means I employ more than one of the traditional styles of mediation, shifting my style during the mediation to fit the needs and desires of the participants.
There is no “right” approach; different conflicts require different mediation styles. It is helpful for both the clients and the mediator to know what type of mediation will work best with your particular conflict.
4 Types of Mediation Styles
(The following will be more than you EVER wanted to know about mediation styles. Sorry about that. )
Evaluative or directive mediation will be very straightforward. This tends to be the most direct, but least emotionally satisfying type of mediation. Instead of focusing primarily on the underlying goals and interests of the parties, evaluative mediators direct settlement by openly evaluating to the parties the legal merits of the dispute and expressing his/her opinions. This can sometimes work if the parties have no lawyers and no intention of getting a lawyer. A lot of retired judges lean toward this type of mediation technique, probably because they are accustomed to rendering judgments.
Transactional mediation is more like a negotiation. The mediator meets with each party privately and uses “shuttle diplomacy” to go back and forth with an offer and a counter-offer. The goal here is to get an agreement, rather than to download your emotional pain.
Facilitative mediation is the most traditional type of mediation. In this kind of mediation, the conflicting parties control the mediation. The mediator will meet with both parties to discuss the goals of the mediation. He/she will then meet individually with each party to discuss their position and reasons for taking the position. The mediator will not give an opinion as to who is right and who is wrong. Instead, the mediator will attempt to create a space in which the conflicting parties are able to reach their own voluntary solutions. The mediator may make suggestions as to how this might best work, but in the end, the result will be a solution that works best for them, as opposed to what a judge might say.
Transformative mediation works best when the parties are going to have to continue some sort of a relationship after the mediation, whether they want to or not. This works best in cases involving child custody, co-parenting, and employment disputes. The process aims to transform the parties’ relationship by helping them not only come to an agreement but also develop and acquire the skills they need to make constructive change and be able to communicate and cooperate with one another more effectively in the future.
Why Would You Care About a Transformative Mediation?
You just want to settle this problem and never see the other party again! The truth is that in ongoing relationships, especially co-parenting relationships, you are NEVER going to be completely finished with each other, no matter how much you want to be finished. There are going to be sports games, school plays, health emergencies, graduations, weddings, possibly grandchildren, etc., etc., etc. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to face these milestones without anxiety and anger? Transformative mediation is not therapy. It’s just a different way of mediating problems, and it doesn’t work for everyone or for every type of conflict, but sometimes it is…..positively transformative.
Feedback From Lawyers
“You accomplished in three hours what we have been trying to do for two months.”
'Kay was especially helpful, and her experience and understanding were greatly appreciated!'
“I never thought these two would reach an agreement. I’m in shock – good shock – but still, shock.”
“I can’t believe we wrapped this up today. You are a miracle worker.”
“Her real-world, down-to-Earth approach helped us with some very difficult family issues and relationship issues.”
